notpronounced toes #5

by Nathan Dueck

Parliamentary Activity of the Honourable @WoveTics:

Hey kids, can you guess how many whiskers are in my moustache? Trick question! This manly salt & pepper plumage is made up of stiff upper lip.

02:03:05 AM 1 May 2013

On @Premier_Redford’s behalf, I request @GlobeandMail call the next catastrophic oil spill by the euphemism #bitumenbubbleburst. #newspeak #thoughtcrime

07:11:13 AM 5 May 2013

Listen, when the Minister of Public Safety places a #gagorder on the #RCMP, it also applies to @CBCnews! #crimethink

17:19:23 AM 5 May 2013

As any citizen of that #policestate knows, granting an interview with #OmarKhadr would extremely radicalize Islamicists! Hear that, @CdnPress? #doublethink

29:31:37 AM 5 May 2013

If you’ve ever wept while listening to Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah,’ you’re a twit. It’s a sarcastic pop song, not a sacred hymn! #PSA

41:43:47 AM 12 May 2013

The Book of Genesis reads, ‘be ye fruitful & multiply.’ #HappyMothersDay to the multiple women who handled my fruit & delivered my children.

53:59:61 AM 12 May 2013

@MiriamToews: Level with me, Toews to Toews, you’re working on a novel about the romance between a Menno politician & an impressionable co-ed, right?

67:71:73 AM 13 May 2013

@MiriamToews: #AComplicatedKindness was pretty okay, but do you think you have a #50ShadesofGrey in you?

79:83:89 AM 13 May 2013

@MiriamToews: Would you please explain the meaning of that title, #50ShadesofGrey? I don’t get it because I see everything in black & white.

97:02:03 AM 13 May 2013

If you play ‘Hallelujah’ backwards, you’ll hear that ‘secret chord’ the #Devil himself played to ‘please’ Leonard Cohen. #PSA

05:07:11 PM 17 May 2013

It grieves me to report that @PMHarper rejected my request to honour myself with Victor ‘Vic’ Toews Day. You’re dead to me, Queen Victoria!

13:17:19 PM 20 May 2013

As drama teacher, @JustinTrudeau sentenced kids to a public education. Now he wants to do for Cda what he’s done for students. Cda can’t afford that risk. #justinoverhishead

23:29:31 http://bit.ly/10oH5LQ

Two men are the real contenders for PM today. The people of Quebec remember one of them quite well. ‘Quebecers are better than the rest of Cda.’ #justinoverhishead

37:41:43 http://bit.ly/OiJUsS

There are ‘root causes’ to terrorism. Since no one can really be sure what they are, isn’t it smart to be as strong as the ‘root causes’? If there are ‘root causes’! #justinoverhishead

47:53:59 http://bit.ly/vBo6qK

After deciphering the lyrics to Leonard Cohen’s most popular song, I can say ‘Hallelujah’ is what radically Islamicized extremists pray before terrorizing. #PSA

61:67:71 PM 24 May 2013

After a long day of politicking, I unwind by watching @Discovery while singing my favourite hymns over their conservationist #hatespeech.

73:79:83 PM 27 May 2013